giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
