even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Randomize
