I want to walk on stilts...naked
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
