planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
