i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
