: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
