You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize