i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
