No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
