Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
