Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
