so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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