I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
