I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
