Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
