Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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