OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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