I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
