They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
