So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
