someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
