bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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