I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
