Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
