you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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