I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
