There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
