just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
