highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
time to smoke my breakfast
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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