I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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