Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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