how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
