I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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