u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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