im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
