my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize