there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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