I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
