i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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