So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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