When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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