The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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