is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
