Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
