oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
