I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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