As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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