my being single is dangerous.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
