the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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