I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
