just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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