I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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