he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
