I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
