Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
