Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
