Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
