I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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