i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
