Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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