guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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