She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
