i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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