when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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