i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
we should paint friendship bongs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize