There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
