This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
